So what do you do? Buy him or her things? Things are not bad either, but if you are buying things for your loved one thinking that alone should be sufficient you are going to find yourself with a resentful one instead.
The Bible says that perfect love casts out fear. Sometimes resentment is born out of fear. Virginia Satir understood this. As the pioneer of family therapy in the US, she discovered in her work that a troubled child is often the product of a troubled family. A lot of the time, the family is troubled not from the absence of love but as a result of the inability to express that love. Maybe those families thought ‘things’ should adequately express love. Love however, takes a little more than that.
Love needs to be shown in a person’s attitude. One great way of expressing love is an uncritical attitude. Nothing kills love faster than criticism. There has to be a degree of freedom in any relationship.
Freedom goes hand in glove with love. Virginia Satir mentioned five freedoms:
- The freedom to see and hear what is here, instead of what should be, was, or will be;
- The freedom to say what they feel and think, instead of what they should;
- The freedom to feel what they feel instead of what they ought ;
- The freedom to ask for what they want, instead of always waiting for permission,
- The freedom to take risks on their behalf instead of choosing to be only “secure” and not rock the boat.
Go through the list again, slowly this time around and carefully examine your relationships. Answer the following questions:
How do you show your loved ones that you love them?
Do you let them love you back by giving them the freedom to them?
Being protective of the one you love is a very natural bye produce of love the emotion. However, love is more than just the feeling; it is very much the doing also. Giving your loved one the space and freedom to grow in that relationship is definitely a practice of love the verb.
This will be a bit difficult for those who suffer from over protectiveness. But that’s fine; the grace of God is there to make it easier – if you let Him.
Sharon Famonure loves the Lord. She has been in Youth Ministry for several years and has worked as an informal counselor. To read more inspiring articles go to her blog http://sharonife.blogspot.com
4 comments:
I've discovered that a lot of folks are in love with the idea of love. Very few actually understand love; it is my personal belief that if you have not had an encounter with the Most High, it will be almost impossible to understand love.
Sadly, this lack of comprehension is never more evident than during the valentine period.
Please share your views (especially if you disagree)
Since God is Love, how can one have love without him?
Yes I meant to ask you a question. Maybe I should ask now. Do you believe in the concept of constructive criticism, of even a love one? Maybe the issue is not the criticism but the motive and manner. It is just like a bedfellow of criticism called confrontation. Real love, I think, confronts. The key is the manner and the motive and the milieu.
Although the motive behind an action is most important, it has been said (and I concur) that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
My problem with the word 'criticism' is the negativity of it. The positive aspect is correction.
Correction should not diminish a person but should make the person better.
The overriding attitude should be: You are a wonderful person however, you could be better.
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